Day 20 and well, I kinda, woulda, coulda shoulda.......

Oh dear.

I have been trying to avoid this moment

I wanted to lie....to pretend I am still doing well....to hide under my duvet until the truth went away.

The truth? I messed up. On Friday I only did one round of IMT because my day got off to a bad start and I allowed myself to get distracted.

Yesterday, I did one session of IMT in the morning and allowed myself to skip the evening session because I was going to a fancy dress party

I have also discovered some quite innocuous looking cheat foods....Tyrell's roasted vegetable crisps....no additives, just bits of deep fried parsnip, beetroot and carrot. I had two hand fulls yesterday.

The other cheat food I have discovered is an innocent looking Spanish 'date and walnut wheel'....just pressed dates and walnuts in a wheel. So yummy, and sugary and like toffee and not on the banned list at all. Surely it is ok then?

Perhaps it is, until you consider that I ate 1/4 of it a day across my snacks for 4 days which amounts to 400 extra sugary calories a day. Perhaps I should view that as a 'one day' natural, additive free treat that I have discovered as opposed to a regular comestible for today. What do I think this is??!! A holiday camp??!!!

Lordy, I am angry. Angry at the fact that I didn't eat properly before going to a party last night dressed as Ann Boleyn (hence silly photo). I didn't eat from the buffet when everyone else did....oh no!! Not me!!

I fell off the waggon when some dark chocolate and nuts were brought round. I had one. Then another. Then before I knew it I was reaching for a whipped lemon fresh cream chocolate as the tray passed by my nose. And then the sponge cake and ice cream came and went. Down my neck. And then, because the floodgates were opened, I ate two slices of the cold garlic baguette I had so carefully avoided earlier. And didn't do my planned second IMT when I got home at midnight because I felt so sick and bloated.

I am angry because I felt for the biggest lie in the world, as cited by Dax Moy.....

The World's Greatest Lie Is This; at a certain point in our lives,
we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become
controlled by fate"
-King Mechezzedek From Paulo Coelho's 'The Alchemist'

So was it fate that led me to eating those things or avoiding my work-out? No, it was choice. I have the answers, but I must revisit the questions.....why am I doing this?? I am doing this because I don't feel attractive and because I want to be slim and healthy and slow down the aging process as I head towards 40......

Another motivation is this dress.....which I will have to wear at a wedding on April 16th. Have a look at it with me......can you see me at my current state wearing that? No!!! So what is wrong with me??? I am so angry today.

Despite this anger I avoided what Paul Mort refers to as 'Flat Tyre Theory'....rather than abandon my quest because my tyre went a bit wobbly, I will continue. I have decided to have a lean protein and vegetables only day today, no flours, breads or grains. I intent to make a lovely chicken dinner with roasted roots and make a vegetable and lentil broth for supper.

I can do this and I want to. I did a brave thing. I submitted my stats to Dax as they are today rather than wait until my body corrects itself after my binge. I was doing ok until yesterday, having shed another pound totalling 6 and a quarter. I woke up this morning a massive 3.5 pounds heavier than yesterday....illustrating the outcomes of falling off the waggon

That'll teach me!!

Back later